Tuesday, August 30, 2011

First date

[Thanks to Jack for sending this along.]

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date
 ever. This was the winner.
It was midwinter, snowing and quite cold. The guy had taken
 her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah.
 It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, and had
 never met before.

The outing was fun but relatively uneventful
 until they were headed home late that afternoon.
As they were driving back down the mountain, she gradually began to
 realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were
 about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room, and in the middle of

Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for
 a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came
 a point here she told him that he had better stop to let her go
 beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants
 down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing,
 so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her
 companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed
 was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking.

All she could think about
 was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of
 the situation.
 Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she
 bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks
 were firmly stuck to the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to
 poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her
 flesh from the icy metal.

It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new
 problem, due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight, but
 aware of the humor of the moment, when her date asked, "What is taking so long?" she replied that she was
 "Freezing her butt off," and in need of some assistance.

He came around the
 car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she
 looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the
 giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they
 assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they
 also were faced with a real problem.

Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the
 grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the
 predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only
 one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her
 first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight
 Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down'. And you
 thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment: "This
 gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off." 

How did the first date turn out? He became her husband, and was
 sitting next to her on the Leno show.

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