Friday, October 30, 2009

This week's episode in the human comedy

Be afraid. Be very afraid.
• In Edenfield, England, there is proof that we are slaves to our gizmos when a six-foot wide delivery van gets stuck in a narrow footpath surrounded by dense foliage because the driver's satellite navigation system told him to take the next turn on the right.

• In Dallas, Texas, it is revealed that the police have issued 39 tickets to people for not speaking English.

• In Brussels, Belgium, a one-legged man becomes the prime suspect after one shoe is stolen.

• In New Jersey, a telemarketing company hires a guy. He never actually shows up for work. They pay him anyway, for more than four years.

• In cyberspace, while a man sleeps, his dog chews on his Xbox 360 controller and runs up a $62.50 bill for video games.

• In Weirdproductsland, a company tests a new market for their cheap mints, the kind that are given away at trade shows, as vaginal fresheners.

• In Vancouver, BC, a policeman sees a man driving towards him on the wrong side of the road. The officer stops, and turns on his emergency lights. The man ignores this and crashes head-on into the cruiser. He is wearing a clown suit. It's not even Hallowe'en. There are charges.
and finally ...
• The Geezer Bandit is the unstoppable scourge of banks in California, despite carrying out his brazen daylight hold-ups while carrying an oxygen tank with tubes running to his nose.
Life is a cabaret.

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