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Take him along on family outings for a running commentary on the crime of paving over good farmland for shopping malls, the killing off of proper hardware stores, and the inferior quality of today's fall fairs. You'll find your trips will go much slower.
He'll point out that automobiles are now made mostly from plastic, and that television sets used to come in handsome wood cabinets. He'll tell you how hard it has become to find a good fedora or decent old cheese, and that global warming is a crock because summers are way cooler than they used to be, and that ice cream cones used to cost a dime, and that things were better when moms stayed at home.
He'll complain about having to buy a package of 10 screws when only one is needed, and about the parks looking like crap since they outlawed weed spray.
He'll tell you that deodorant causes Alzheimers, and that aspirin is better than those new fangled pain relievers, and that everyone should have a good set of tools.
That kind of thing.
So, if you're interested, tell us how much you'll want to take him off our hands. And watch for our upcoming launch of GeezerOnViagra.